Joy in Marriage: Laughing Through the Small Stuff
A while ago, my husband was calmly drinking his coffee while I was on a mission to locate the hammer. Not just any hammer—the one that’s supposed to be in the toolbox. It’s funny how tiny moments like these are where I most often notice the joy in marriage.
I asked if he’d seen it.
He shrugged and said, “It’s probably out in the shop.”
Friends, “the shop” is his happy place… but it’s also a land where tools disappear into what he affectionately calls organized chaos. Which means the hammer could be anywhere—on the workbench, under a tarp, or sitting on top of the lawnmower because he was “just going to set it there for a minute.”
We are, in every sense of the word, opposites. His organization style is… let’s call it creative, while mine is “if it’s not in its labeled bin, the universe is out of order.” And yet… here we are, still laughing (most days) and still joyfully married.
And somewhere in all of this—between missing hammers, mismatched systems, and the occasional side-eye—we’ve discovered something important: happiness is nice, but joy? Joy is what keeps us together.
Why Joy in Marriage Is Better Than Happiness
Happiness is when my husband makes me coffee in the morning.
Joy is when he forgets, but I still smile because I know he loves me—and he’s probably busy fixing something I broke.
Happiness is a quiet moment with just the two of us.
Joy is when one of the kids interrupts dinner to ask if squirrels have belly buttons… and we both lose it laughing.
Happiness is about circumstances. Joy is about knowing that, even when things aren’t perfect, we’re still for each other.
Grace Makes Joy Possible
Grace is the secret ingredient. Without it, marriage turns into a running tally of who messed up last. With it, you can let things go—like the fact that the hammer is probably still on the lawnmower.
Grace turns the sharp edges into something softer. It’s the reason you can laugh about that disagreement instead of stewing on it all night. It’s what makes forgiveness feel like the natural next step instead of a grudging obligation.
And when you see grace? Joy follows. Every time.
The Kid Connection
Here’s the thing: kids notice everything. You think they’re too busy watching their favorite show, but they’re clocking the way you and your spouse look at each other, whether you laugh together, whether you choose kindness in the small stuff.
When they see joy in your marriage, they feel safe. And when they feel safe, they’re happier. Joy doesn’t just bless your marriage—it blesses your kids, too.
Finding Joy on Ordinary Tuesdays
We don’t have to wait for a fancy vacation to have joy in marriage. We find it in:
- That knowing look across the room when one of the kids calls the globe a ‘world ball’ and you just let it slide.
- Laughing in the grocery store aisle because you both just remembered the same ridiculous memory.
- Holding hands in the car on the way to pick up one of the kids from work (even if you’re also debating what’s for dinner).
Joy isn’t about everything being smooth. It’s about seeing the grace God’s already given you—right there in your ordinary, messy, beautiful life—and deciding to enjoy it.
And sometimes? It’s also about ignoring the fact that the hammer you needed is still on the lawnmower—because if that’s the hill you choose to die on, you’ll miss the better view: the two of you, laughing in the middle of the mess, thinking, Yep. Still glad it’s you.
Think about one small, ordinary thing that brought you joy in marriage this week. Write it down, thank God for it, and then tell us about it below — your story might encourage someone else today.
" ... for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10
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Joy in marriage. So true, Gretha